Saturday, December 14, 2013

Rules for a Snow Day When the Thirteen-Year-Old is in Charge

  1. No dancing on the roof. 
  2. Everyone brushes their teeth and gets dressed before ten in the morning.  This includes wearing socks and underwear. 
  3. Stay in the house. 
  4. If you go outside, be sure to wear appropriate winter clothing.  This includes socks and underwear. 
  5. Keep the thermostat set at 68.  If it gets too hot, turn it off.  If it gets too cold, put on a damn sweater.
  6. No cooking on the stove or with the oven. 
  7. No cheese in the toaster. 
  8. Unless he's dressing, the thirteen-year-old's door stays open. 
  9. Two cookies or one small slice of cake before lunch.  Two cookies or one small slice of cake after lunch. 
  10. Anyone who reads to the seven-year-old will get an extra cookie.  The seven-year-old will also get an extra cookie. 
  11. Rule #10 only applies once to each child.  
  12. Unnecessary tooting will lead to the loss of a cookie, either today or in the future.  Use the toilet like a real human being. 
  13. No feeding the mice under the cupboard. 
  14. Everyone gets one hour of screen time.  BEFORE screen time: 
    • The older kids need to practice piano
    • The younger kid needs to draw, read, or build
  15. Call us if anything goes wrong or seems strange
    • Dad's cell:  817-XXXX
    • Mom's cell:  817-XXXX
  16. If there's a real emergency, call Pat and Ellen from around the corner.  Their number is 464-XXXX. 
  17. If there's blood involved, call 911, but understand that if they see these rules, they'll probably take you away from us.  

1 comment:

Eric K. said...

At first, I thought these were actually written by the 13-year old, which would have made them both funnier and more disturbing.

Also, I'm not sure I'd post these publicly, as someone from the state's Child Protective Services could come across them..