Friday, September 11, 2009

There's hot, there's hotter, there's hottest, and then there's Hong &@#% Kong

How hot is it in Hong Kong?  It’s so hot that: 

  • If you go for a swim in the evening at the outdoor pool, putting your face in the water feels like dunking your head in a hot tub.
  • I wear two or three shirts a day, and an equal number of underpants, just to deal with the sweat.  Sometimes I have to change my trousers, too.
  • Putting on anti-chaffing cream is part of the normal morning ritual.
  • People carry around umbrellas for shade. 
  • When you turn on the cold water, it only runs chilly for about three seconds.  Then it becomes sort of luke warm.  And In another 10 seconds, you might as well have it on hot. 
  • Today on the bus, one young man kept switching seats from one side of the aisle to the other, depending on which side the sun was shining on.
  • You can get an all-around tan while swimming laps:  your back from the sun shining on it, your face from the sun bouncing off the bottom of the pool. 
  • I’ve found actual salt stains on my clothes.   I’ve run 6 miles in blazing July heat in Virginia, and never had salt stains on my close.
  • When you’re in the pool and it thunders, the lifeguards just look at each other and shrug.  Better to be electrocuted and die than have to live in this heat.
  • I’m writing heat and humidity jokes.  Here’s one:.  A man walks into a Hong Kong bar and takes a seat next to his friend.  His friend asks what he’s been doing all day, and man says:  “Well, I had an egg salad sandwich for lunch, then I found a couple of hookers and went and had unprotected sex for hours.”  His friend stares at him, shocked, and says, “What are you, crazy?  You got some kind of death wish?”  The man shakes his head and says, “Yeah I know, but they were awfully pretty—“ and his friend interrupts:  “Egg salad?  In this heat?”
  • Ellen, my always-tasteful wife, has started putting her red wine in the fridge. 
  • People actually step outside on 32 degrees Celsius days with 73% humidity and say, “Hey!  It’s starting to cool off!”
  • Last week someone mentioned to a group of newcomers that Hong Kong was truly tropical.  “In fact,” this person said, “it’s at the same latitude as Hawaii.”  “Really?” someone else responded.  “I thought it was a little lower, like around, say, Hell.”
  • Even the Hong Kongers complain.


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